8 Simple Ways to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Effective interpersonal communication creates a feeling of community and intimacy where everyone's contributions are valued. It leads to proper understanding, sometimes on a deep level, depending upon the circumstances of the communication. To have really effective interpersonal communication you need to make use of a set of skills and knowledge and to evaluate these and update your communication skills from time to time.

Interpersonal communication has a dual purpose of presentation and representation. Representation is the basic words we use and the meaning we portray; people sometimes tend to think that this is all there is to communication and they forget that how they present their message defines them and their relationships with others too.

It is in this latter purpose of communication (presentation) that misunderstandings can arise. This happens when people fail to understand the message being conveyed, or when people fail to make their audience understand; both sides of this are important as the people in a conversation all carry joint responsibility in uncovering and understanding the true meaning of a communication.

8 Simple Ways to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Some useful skills for making sure you have really effective interpersonal communication are:

1. Refer to your listener by name. This makes people feel valued and appreciated; it also ensures that they know that you are talking specifically to them; it alerts them to that fact and encourages them to concentrate upon your message. If they are listening more closely to you, you are more likely to be understood.

2. Adapt your message to your listener(s). The message may have to be conveyed differently according to the role and status of the listener, as well as their level of understanding. Different parts of your message will hold special importance for certain groups of people so you may want to adapt your message so that these things are emphasized for a particular group. Making your message relevant to your audience is just the hook you will need to make people start listening to you.

3. The call to action may differ according to who your audience members are, because everyone has different responsibilities. If you have something that you want your audience to do after listening to you, be explicit about this; make it clear what you want them to do, without being too dictatorial about it.

4. Make sure you include all the information that is necessary in order to make yourself and your message understood. If you can repeat your message and illustrate it in different ways, so much the better, as members of your audience will all understand things in different ways.

5. Avoid jumping to early conclusions. Listen to the whole message first if you are not the one doing the main talking. If you think you have the idea of the conversation very early on, often you will find that you will switch off or at least not listen so attentively to the rest of the message and this is one area where mistakes are often made.

6. Be aware of any assumptions you are making; are they correct? Will your audience understand your assumptions or do you need to communicate to them too, for effective communication? You should always try to judge how you are being interpreted by others too. Ask questions and mirror back what people seem to be saying to you, paraphrased, so that you can check that you have the correct understanding. This also shows that you care about how the other person is feeling; they will warm to you and you will ease communication with them.

7. You should 'own' your message, using terms such as 'I' and 'my'; this makes your communication sound more genuine and sincere.

8. You should learn to express your feelings as that can make them clearer to you as well as to other people.

If you keep in mind these few tips and you try to practice them in your interactions with other people, you will see that you soon develop much more effective interpersonal communication, both as a speaker and a listener.

8 Simple Ways to Effective Interpersonal Communication
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Effective Communication Skills For Today's Managers - Life Lessons

Effectively communicating to your employees will result in a more efficient operation and will help achieve the bottom-line objectives of any company, business, or basic interaction. As a manager, your communication skill is critical in directing the actions of your employees. This basic managerial skill course in communication will enable you to become a better manager for yourself, and for your organization. You will learn how to communicate effectively, which will help you to maximize "work through others" to get the job done.

There are many components to communication. Consider verbal communication skills, listening skills, written memorandums/email, telephone skills and non-verbal communication. Also, reflect upon all the people we communicate to: subordinates, peers, supervisors, customers, and groups of people. In addition, ponder some of the reasons, why we communicate: to get and give information, to discipline subordinates, to make assignments, and so on. 

We will not be able to explore every facet and component of communication. Rather, we will focus on the general principles of effective communication that apply to most situations and we will point out important things to remember for some specific situations.  We will use only as much "theory" as needed to gain basic understanding of communication problems. Primarily, we will discuss what you can do to become an effective communicator.

Effective Communication Skills For Today's Managers - Life Lessons

Our Objectives

Upon completion, you will be capable of:

1) Recognizing communication problems and barriers.
2) Implementing techniques to resolve communication problems and barriers.
3) Demonstrating the basic general rules of effective communication.
4) Using special techniques in specific communication situations.

This is designed to do more than just give you information on communicating. Rather, it is set up to teach you skills which you can apply in your day to day routine.

What is Communication?

Communication is simply the sending of a message to another person. The person sending the message first needs to formulate the message in his head. This involves determining the meaning that the sender intends to convey to the other person. To formulate the meaning of the message, the sender usually draws upon his background attitudes, perceptions, emotions, opinions, education, and experience. 

The message is then sent to the listener through both verbal talking and non-verbal gestures. The person receiving this message then interprets its meaning. To do this, the listener uses his background, attitudes, perceptions, emotions, opinions, education, and experience. 

Effective communication exists between two persons when the person receiving the message interprets it in the same way as the sender intended it. Sounds really simple doesn't it?  Well, it can be.

Who is Responsible for Communicating Effectively?

Managers share the responsibility in communicating effectively with the individual employees themselves. The manager is 100% responsible for communicating effectively with their employees.

This includes establishing an open and trusting climate for communication, as well as demonstrating good communication techniques to their employees. The employee is 100% responsible for taking advantage of the "climate for communication" to express what is important and relevant. For example,it is expected that a manager will ask "are there any questions?" after giving an employee an assignment, but it is also expected that an employee will say, "I have a question", if one should occur to the employee, without waiting for the manager to ask. 

Why Managers Need to be Effective Communicators?

o Communication is used so frequently that "we cannot afford to do it poorly".
o Communication has a special power: to create interest, stimulate action, achieve agreement, foster enthusiasm.
o Communication is the primary method that managers use to direct their employee's behavior.
o Communication is the basis for almost all other managerial skills. It is involved in delegating duties to subordinates, motivating employees, demonstrating leadership  abilities, training new policies and programs, and counseling performance problems, etc.

Barriers to Effective Communication

o Supervisor inaccessible.
o Supervisor buried in work.
o Supervisor always in a hurry.
o Supervisor maintains a pre-occupied expression; little eye-contact with employees.
o Supervisor only informal with his peers or boss (never with subordinates).
o Supervisor tells employees to "write it up" instead of promoting discussion.
o Supervisor never asks, "How's it going?".

Where do Difficulties in Communication Arise?

The basic source of misunderstanding between two persons are communication failures that occur when the receiver understands the meaning of a message differently than it was intended. We do not always communicate what we intend.

Communication failures arise when there is a gap between what the sender meant and what the receiver thought the sender meant.

Communication failure can be caused by:

o Being so preoccupied that you do not listen to what other are saying.
o Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen only to find an opening to work your way into the conversation.
o Being so sure that you know what the other person is going to say that you distort what you hear to match your expectation.
o Evaluating and judging the speakers, which makes the speaker guarded and defensive.
o Not being able to "see past the words" and get the emotional message of the sender.
o Not trusting the speaker and becoming suspicious of what is being said.

Setting the Stage for Effective Communication

Even before the first word is uttered, various factors are already at work that can affect the success or failure of our communications.  Let's examine these factors to see what role they play. 

Communicator's Appearance

Before we ever say a word, others have been receiving messages from us. We communicate to others just by the way we dress and groom. In the book Dressing for Success, the author notes that other people conclude about 17 different things about us just on the basis of how we appear.

Many businesses utilize a dress code to guide people to the appropriate type of attire. It use to be traditional within the business world for men to wear a coat and tie. This conveys to others that we are professionals. In addition, conservative colors are preferred to more outspoken colors. This communicates seriousness, stability, and a "down-to-business" attitude. Recent changes have occurred in this area, just always remember that people do make conclusions about you based on your appearance.  Understand the expectation as it relates to dress code and insure you are in tune with the company position. 

Communicator's Past Conversations

Communication experts tell us that the credibility of the communicator, as determined by past conversations, is a critical factor in effective communication. Credibility refers to the attitude the listener has toward the truthfulness and trustworthiness of the sender's statements. When a listener views the sender as dependable, knowledgeable, reliable, warm and friendly, emphatic, and non-selfish, the message that is sent will be more likely to be received. Unless we seem credible to the receiver. our message will be discounted and we will not be able to communicate effectively with him.

Communicator's Personality

The personality of the communicator plays a part in both the formulation of the message and in how the message is communicated. Each individuals beliefs, opinions, prejudices, feelings, biases, and personal experiences enter into the development of a message. Most of the time this happens quickly, automatically, and out of habit. In addition to influencing what we think and say, our personalities also play a role in how we say the message. You may know of an instance where two managers sound completely different in conveying the same exact message to a listener. For example a result oriented manager may talk in short, concise, action-oriented sentences, while another manager may end up in a long discourse including many details and side points.

The Communication Situation

The situation and circumstances surrounding our communication plays a part in determining its success or failure. Although many types of situations affect the messages we send, one particular type that can easily distort our messages is communication under stress. Stress, by its very nature, makes it difficult for us to "think clearly". In a stress situation, the meaning of the message can be distorted; subtle shades of meaning can be confused; pieces of information can be forgotten; minor points may seem more important than major points. In addition, the wording of the communication may suffer. Uncertainty, nervousness, and confusion can creep into the speaker's voice, resulting in a less assertive statement. 

Communicating Effectively - Verbal Communication

Verbal communication means talking. The goal in communicating verbally is to convey a message to another person so that the other person understands it exactly as the person talking intended it. A well communicated message is one which the other person can accurately repeat back in his own words. Verbal communication can be made more effective by:

o Talking about specific rather than general situations.
o Using concrete language, e.g., "merchandise" rather than "stuff".
o Using words familiar to employees; explaining unfamiliar words.
o Including an example to illustrate the point.
o Giving sufficient detail to convey the point.
o Giving details slowly and in order.
o Making it a practice to address the five "W" questions in the  topic (if applicable).

Who is involved?
What is the situation; how did it begin?
When will it occur?
Where is it taking place? What you think, believe, feel?
Why will it happen? Why is this important?

 Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication refers to the gestures and body positions that accompany ones speaking. All people display certain gestures or lack of them when talking. It is important to be aware of your nonverbal communication, for it plays a big role in making your total communication effective. 

Effective communication occurs when a person's verbal message and nonverbal message both "say the same thing". Problems in communication occur when the speaker's words say one thing, but his gestures and body language says something else.

Types of Nonverbal Communication

All of the following "says something". In the specific context, they should correspond and reinforce the spoken message.

o Eye contact.
o Position of our arms and legs.
o The distance we stand from others when talking to them.
o Where we sit at a table or in relation to others.
o Smiling.
o Nodding or other head movements.

The manager can use nonverbal behaviors in two ways. First, when speaking, he can monitor his own nonverbal behavior and try to make sure it corresponds and emphasizes what he is verbally saying.

For example:

o When taking charge of a situation, the manager should have good eye contact with his subordinates, stand in a straight posture, use a firm but not overbearing voice,and point to what he wants done. 

o Upon noticing customers, the employee should smile to indicate friendliness, make eye contact to acknowledge the customer's presence, tun his body in the direction of the customer to indicate his willingness to help if needed.

The other way a manager can use nonverbal behavior is in "listening to what others are really saying". If the manager notices the employee saying one thing verbally but another thing non verbally, then the manager should suspect that the verbal message being said may be somewhat "incomplete".

Active listening skills is what separates the good from the great. Learn to listen with your ears, eyes and perception paying attention to both the verbal and nonverbal communication.

For example:

An employee who says that he would feel comfortable doing a task but who exhibits folded arms, crossed legs, and tensed neck muscles might not be feeling as comfortable as he thinks. The manager who suspects this might need to keep his eye on this situation.

Written Communication

In written communication, the simpler, shorter, and more direct the better. This can be remembered by the equation:

Effectiveness = Conciseness = Completeness

Try the following tips for achieving concise and complete communication.

o Use simple words; your goal is not to impress your reader with your vocabulary, it is to get the point across.
o Make sure the words exactly express the thought; different words can slant the entire message of your point.
o Make the sentence structure clear; poor grammar, run on sentences, etc., can distort the point you want to make.
o Use a different paragraph for each complete unit of thought.
o Make sure all of the necessary information is included.
o Anticipate questions and include the answers in your message.
o Use only essential words and phrases.
o Make sure your facts, dates, times, etc., are correct.
o Consider the tone of the memorandum. Make sure it doesn't contain antagonism or    preaching. I highly suggest that if you are upset about something, it is OK to    write out your thoughts and ideas for making the situation better.  Then make sure you do not send it, until you read it the next day. You will find in most cases that what you want to say does not change, but how you say it will change dramatically once you are over the emotions you attached to it.
o Make sure it is neat in appearance.

Remember all written memorandums have a dual purpose: you want the reader to receive your message and you want to do it the shortest, quickest way possible without leaving out necessary information.

All memorandums written in this way will be a good reflection upon you.

Phone Conversations

Talking on the phone lies between face-to-face communication and written communication in regard to information we can receive from the other person. Phone conversations do not give us access to the body language of the other person, hence, we miss the nonverbal cues accompanying the words. On the other hand, phone communication does allow us to take into account the tone of voice the other person is using, unlike written communication/email. 

Voice tone can be used in two ways. First, we can vary our voice tone to reinforce what we are saying verbally. Managers can convey competence, sincerity, and trust through the tone of their voice when talking to customers or employees.

Secondly, we can pay attention to other people's tone of voice, much like nonverbal behavior, to check on unspoken feelings and thoughts. To do this accurately, practice listening to both the words and the tone of the voice that carries the words.

When talking to someone you have spoken to before, pay attention to changes in their usual voice qualities. Some people speak slow, loud, or clear. When these people change their normal voice qualities, they are communicating something extra to us. It is up to us to look for cues to detect what these changes in customary

voice tones mean.  Remember, you can't talk to someone on the phone and someone in front of you both at the same time and do justice to either party.  

Communicating to a Group

Communicating to a group can be as simple as making an announcement r as complex as running a training program requiring much group participation. Much of what has been presented in this training applies to communicating to a group. Pre-communication factors, such as your appearance, credibility, and the specifics of the situation plays large part in establishing a successful presentation. Talking effectively and using nonverbal body language to correspond to the spoken words can all be used in group settings. A particularly skillful speaker can even "read" the nonverbal cues of the group as a whole and use this information to adjust his talk.

Listening

Why you Should Listen to Your Employees

o Employees might have helpful ideas.
o Employees might know causes of problems in the workplace.
o Employees might be able to warn me about potential problems I haven't yet recognized.
o How employees feel about things can be a tip-of future problems.

Ways of Not Listening

o Signing routine papers.
o Sorting papers.
o Allowing long telephone interruptions.
o Sneaking looks at the time.
o Gazing out of the window, or at distractions passing by.
o Maintaining pre-occupied facial expressions.
o Calling orders to other employees in between sentences.
o Fidgeting nervously, shaking foot, playing with gadgets, coffee cup, etc.

Inhibiting Communication from Your Employees

Avoid the following to prevent cutting off future communication from your employees:

o Blaming the employee who gave you bad news.
o Getting angry.
o "Falling apart".
o Demanding the employee to justify work that is reported to be not going well.

How should you react to news:
React to bad news by remaining objective; keep your emotions under control; switch to a "problem-solving", "let's get this situation corrected" approach. Respond to good news with praise, acknowledgment and appreciation.

Active Listening
Active listening is comprised of three separate and important skills: attention skills, following skills, and responding skills. Attention skills are those actions you take to put the talker at ease, to non verbally show you are listening, and to best "pay attention to" what the other person is trying to say. Maintaining eye contact, eliminating distractions, and concentrating on both the verbal and nonverbal are examples of attention skills. 

Following Skills
These are the skills we use to encourage the conversation along; to get the point the person is making. Nodding our heads, saying "uh-huh", "I see", and "go on" are following skills. Asking appropriate questions to bring out the point is a following skill as is allowing silences without jumping in. All following skills serve two purposes: to indicate to the speaker that you are "with him" and to help him get the point across.

Responding Skills
This is where we determine if we received and interpreted the message as the speaker intended it. Say something like, "If I understand correctly, you are saying ... " and go on to paraphrase that we understand, using our own words. Check out the facts and ideas, the main point of what the speaker said. It is only after we are sure that we understood the message as intended, can we then evaluate, judge, take action, or supply an answer or comment.

Communicating on the Job - Who We Communicate To
Before the message is formulated and communicated, we become aware of who we will be sending it to. How and what we communicate can change depending upon who is the intended audience.

Upward Communication
If we will be communicating to our immediate supervisor, our message might be prepared, formulated, and presented in a specific manner. For example, if we need to seek assistance from our supervisor, asking an open-ended question will result in more information than a question that can be answered yes or no.

Peer Communication
If the communication is intended for a peer, the message might be less "formally" prepared and presented. For example, less background information might need to be given since the peer can "easily relate" to the situation to be described.

Downward Communication
The manager who is communicating to his subordinate may need to do so in a different way than to others. Clear, concise, directions might be the format for much of the messages the manager gives to his employees. In addition, the manager may follow-up many of his messages with, "Do you have any questions?".

Checking For Understanding
When communicating with employees, it is always a good idea to check for understanding. Simply take a second and ask " recap for me what I have asked you to do." By doing this, you can clear up any missed communication that may have taken place.  This step is helpful for both parties as it allows them to communicate back to you that they heard and understood your direction. This is a critical step in delegation of tasks.

Communicating With Customers
Communicating to a customer also affects how the message is formulated and delivered. Messages conveyed to customers need to be totally accurate and delivered in a professional and friendly manner.

Purpose of the Communication
When we talk to someone, we usually have a purpose. The purpose of the communication differs depending on the situation and who we are addressing. A manager may communicate for any of the following reasons:

o To motivate employees.
o To teach, instruct, or explain a task.
o To counsel an employee.
o To seek information or assistance.
o To correct an employee's behavior.
o To be persuasive.
o To socialize.

With each of these purposes, the communication changes in order to accomplish our goal.

One of my favorite leaders use to say, that you will have  become a master of communication when you are able to tell someone where to go and to have them looking forward to the trip! 

Effective Communication Skills For Today's Managers - Life Lessons
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Chuck Ainsworth, aka The Origami Warrior is a visionary writer who enjoys learning new topics and putting them into easy to understand terms. He brings 30 plus years of Senior Management experience and provides the insights needed to help others reach peak performance by improving their basic Management and Leadership Skills. He is CEO of Ainsworth Associates, Inc. He currently writes about topics he loves that include: Origami, Origami Warrior Wisdom, Motivation, Training, Management Skills Development, Leadership, Life Lessons, Core Values, Internet Marketing, Social Media, Life After Death - How To Overcome Life Changing Events and more. A published author who loves family, pets, community. While he has spent much of his life traveling, he now enjoys a much simpler life, living in his home town on a small quiet private lake with his family. Follow his Origami Warrior Wisdom daily quotes follow me at http://twitter.com/ChuckAinsworth to get my tweets and be sure to check out other Life Lessons at: http://origamiwarrior.com

Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use

What IS assertive communication?

Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.

So why use assertive communication?

Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use

All of us use assertive behaviour at times... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour.

Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behaviour. It enables us to swap old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.

The advantages of assertive communication

There are many advantages of assertive communication, most notably these:

It helps us feel good about ourselves and others It leads to the development of mutual respect with others It increases our self-esteem It helps us achieve our goals It minimises hurting and alienating other people It reduces anxiety It protects us from being taken advantage of by others It enables us to make decisions and free choices in life It enables us to express, both verbally and non-verbally, a wide range of feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative

There are, of course, disadvantages...

Disadvantages of assertive communication

Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person's rights means that you won't always get what YOU want. You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint that you held. But most importantly, as mentioned earlier, it involves the risk that others may not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication.

What assertive communication is not...

Assertive communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it's NOT being aggressive.

But it IS about choice

Four behavioural choices

There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ. These types are:

direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing

indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing

submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic

assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous

Characteristics of assertive communication

There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:

eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating timing: use your judgement to maximise receptivity and impact content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say

The importance of "I" statements

Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using "I" statements. These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direcdt and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.

Strong "I" statements have three specific elements:

Behaviour Feeling Tangible effect (consequence to you)

Example: "I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."

Six techniques for assertive communication

There are six assertive techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.

1. Behaviour Rehearsal: which is literally practising how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behaviour you wish to confront.

2. Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.

Example:

"I would like to show you some of our products"
"No thank you, I'm not interested"
"I really have a great range to offer you"
"That may be true, but I'm not interested at the moment"
"Is there someone else here who would be interested?"
"I don't want any of these products"
"Okay, would you take this brochure and think about it?"
"Yes, I will take a brochure"
"Thank you"
"You're welcome"

3. Fogging: this technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the judge of your choice of action. An example of this could be, "I agree that there are probably times when I don't give you answers to your questions.

4. Negative enquiry: this technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. An example of this technique would be, "So you think/believe that I am not interested?"

5. Negative assertion: this technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say."

6. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. An example of this technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?"

Conclusion

Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.

There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles appropriately.

"Nothing on earth can stop the individual with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the individual with the wrong mental attitude" W.W. Ziege

Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use
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When you match consumer psychology with effective communication styles you get a powerful combination. Lee Hopkins can show you how to communicate better for better business results. At Hopkins-Business-Communication-Training.com you can find the secrets to communication success.

Face-to-Face Communication - Old Fashioned? Not!

It's unbelievable how dependent we've become as a society on electronic communication devices! E-mail, text messaging, PDA's, cell phones, video conferencing, blackberries, blueberries, rasberries, and more...have taken the place of good old fashioned, face-to-face communication leading to many interpersonal difficulties and miscommunications in today's workplace.

You may be thinking...Why improve my interpersonal skills when most businesses do 99% of communication by telephone, teleconferencing, videoconferencing, e-mail, and on rare occasions, snail mail. A popular way of thinking today...but, is it really the correct way? "Face-to-face communication remains the most powerful human interaction," says Kathleen Begley, Ed.D., author of Face-to-Face Communication, Making Human Connections in a Technology-Driven World. "As wonderful as electronic devices are, they can never fully replace the intimacy and immediacy of people conversing in the same room and it has worked for millions of years."

In business, we talk about "B2B" (business to business) and "B2C" (business to consumer) methods. I try to buck the trend (in a positive way!) to stress the importance of face-to-face communication. You'll hear me talk a lot about the "P2P" (people-to-people) connections and how important it is to get beyond technology and talk face-to-face with friends, family, colleagues, customers, vendors, and the like. You may think that's a bit old-fashioned, but in my opinion, there is no substitution for the human, up-close and personal contact. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for the terrific technology tools we have today and I use it regularly, but it's not always my first or best choice.

Face-to-Face Communication - Old Fashioned? Not!

Several decades ago, John Naisbitt, in his mega 1960's best-seller, Megatrends: Ten New Directions Transforming Our Lives, brought a new concept to the forefront called "high tech, high touch." His idea was that "as human beings became capable of anonymous electronic communication, they would concurrently need more close-up personal interaction." Seems to me that he was right on target!

We live in a society when flocking to the local coffee shop or diner for coffee chats with business associates or friends is a testimony to our need for human togetherness, especially when most coffee lovers can make a latte or cappuccino right in their homes. Think about the fortunes coffee establishments are making on our need for face-to-face communication! The people-to-people connections...

We hear of the many children (and adults) who spend countless hours alone playing video games. However, The Game Manufacturing Association reported in 2003 that family board game sales (like Monopoly and Scrabble) are booming and growing at 20% per year. Cranium has recently come out with a whole new line of board games for our "little people" (ages 3+). The people-to-people connections start at an early age - if you haven't heard it, ask me to tell you my "Papa Zitto" story!

Even when disaster strikes and the news media bring these events into our homes and workplaces via TV, radio and the Internet, we seek out opportunities to share grief. I personally waited in line for almost three hours with hundreds of others to visit Ground Zero in New York when it opened to the public in December 2001. Many people also left makeshift shrines nearby to honor the victims of that tragedy. The people-to-people connections...

We lead hectic, multi-tasking lives both at home and in the workplace these days and we find the need for balance even more critical than in days gone by. We understand that technology can be impersonal, but it's quick! We know we need to make time for more people-to-people connections but, the reality of the hectic pace doesn't leave us much time for this more intimate form of communication. You may be thinking, isn't it much faster to make a quick phone call, send a brief e-mail, or hook up via video-conferencing to have a meeting of the minds? Yes and no. It's a communications paradox...faster is not always better.

So the better question may be, how can we make the best of both worlds - technology and face-to-face, people-to-people connections?

Just as fashions are redesigned and come back with a variation on a style from days-gone- by, I believe it is time for redesigning and revitalizing face-to-face (P2P) communication skills.

We need to get the balance right! People-to-people (P2P) communication skills remain one of the primary success factors in business, even in this age of technology. There are many situations - often those involving conflict, hurt feelings, high priority, or a large sum of money - that demand business people take the time and trouble to get in the same room to share information. Video-conferencing has become a good simulation and cost-effective method when individuals are in remote locations, but there is still no substitute for good, old-fashioned, face-to-face communication.

Don't take my word for it...Let's take a look at what some of the experts are saying.

Tom Peters, internationally known business guru, says without reservation that you should constantly attend to your face-to-face communication. Not to do so, will lead to career disaster. "We believe in high tech, high touch," Peters writes. "No question, technology is the Great Enabler. But, paradoxically, now the human bit is more, not less, important than ever before."

Sheila Hodge, author of Global Smarts: The Art of Communicating and Deal Making Anywhere in the World, says "The modern office is full of gadgets - computers and the Internet, uplinks and downlinks, videoconferencing, and online databases. Many people think they should let the fancy technology handle the messy task of interfacing with people."

Jo-Ellan Dimitrius, in her book Reading People, talks about how young, technically oriented employees tend to communicate mostly in computer chat rooms. "If you want to become a better communicator, you must make a conscious effort to engage other people (in person)," she writes. "Even the most entrenched Internet junkie can learn the true meaning of 'chat' if the desire is there, but you have to get off the couch and make it happen."

Gary McClain and Deborah Romaine in their book, The Everything Managing People Book, put it this way..."Consistent, daily face-to-face communication promotes more than just good feelings; it also promotes effective and collaborative teamwork."

"One of the most critical areas of communication to get right in business is the one-on-one situations - especially offering advice, constructive feedback, and annual performance appraisals," says Chris Roebuck in Effective Communication.

One of my favorite quotes stated very simply by Margaret Wheatley, Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope for the Future, says "I can believe we can change the world if we start talking to one another again."

Sounds like we're on to something here...So, what can you do? Start out by taking an honest look at your communication methods and your attitude about technology vs. (P2P) face-to-face interaction. Are you e-mailing more and meeting less for financial reasons? Are you avoiding human contact mostly because of a lack of interpersonal skills? If the latter is true, you need to take action before it's too late.

The next time you are tempted to send an e-mail, text message or make a phone call for other than routine purposes, stop! Get back to basics. Go out of your comfort zone and, instead, send the e-mail, text message or make the call to set up a face-to-face, in person meeting with the person behind the technology! Why? Because it works!

Make the people-to-people connections... You and your business will be glad you did!

A Positive Workplace Means Business! TM

Face-to-Face Communication - Old Fashioned? Not!
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Mary Jane (MJ) Paris, Founder and President of Positive Impact Consulting Services, LLC in Shelton, CT, brings a broad base of experience to her practice gained from more than 25 years in people management, sales, retail banking, training, recruiting, coaching, project management, event planning and community leadership.

With a focus on "The Positive Workplace," MJ and Positive Impact specialize in leadership and professional development programs, speaking engagements, and small business coaching that bring "Positive Energy" to your workplace. Engage employees, maximize productivity, improve customer service and business results...

mj@posimpact.net
203-929-6702
http://www.posimpact.net

Effective Communication Techniques For Health Care Facilities Managers

As unique and varied as the competencies are to function in our role as effective facilities administrators, the ability to communicate effectively nears the top of the list. In the development of the dozens of position profiles I've compiled, the ability to communicate within the given culture of an organization maintains a prominent place in the set of required skills.

Conversely, I've observed the demise of many talented facilities managers predicated on the inability to translate issues into a concise and timely transfer of information. There exists a perception that organizational communications is not one of an "engineer's" strongest areas of expertise.

Complex Information

Effective Communication Techniques For Health Care Facilities Managers

Because of the unique nature of the role, the healthcare facilities manager possesses a challenging audience with an equally challenging message. With a vocabulary very distinct from the clinical, fiscal, and governing world, our communications commonly involve a dialect of codes, infrastructure, and engineering terms that are unfamiliar and often not understood. Projects we deal with involve many disciplines and the results are contingent upon a clear understanding of the strategies we develop and communicate.

The best communication strategy is to establish "need to know" expectations at all levels. Many executives require ongoing and continuous updates, while many of our "customers" would prefer only information that directly affects their area of accountability. It is best to set communication expectations case by case and be diligent in fulfilling this anticipation.

Good News, Bad News

Regardless of your audience, keep communications relevant and focused. As the saying goes "Few care about storms you encountered, but rather the safe arrival in port". In our unique world of facilities operations, many communications are critical to the success of the organization's mission. With that criticality, comes a tendency "sensationalize" the communication of the contributing issues. Do not editorialize your message by providing only the information that is relevant and pertinent to the listener.

Offer Solutions

Our colleagues look to us for solutions. Don't dwell on the problems that contributed to the situation, but rather offer a series of recommendations that prioritize available solutions. Communicate viable options backed by sound justification as well as a clear picture of the pros and cons of individual recommendations.

Effective communication is an art and is crucial to any successful relationship. Work to design effective communication skills based on your organization's needs and implement a delivery strategy that fulfills the needs of the listening audience.

Effective Communication Techniques For Health Care Facilities Managers
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Jack Gosselin, FASHE, CHFM
Principal
Gosselin Associates
Mystic, CT

Ten Commandments of Effective Communication

Everything we do is communication. Without communication we will not be able to interact in a civilized manner. Without communication we will not be able to create modern societies. Without communication we would not be able to create prosperity for ourselves. Without communication we would not be able to construct organizations necessary for the reproduction of material wealth. Communication is the most important building block of human civilization. According to the German philosopher Jurgen Habermas the social reality consists of two parts: system and lifeworld. The system consists of the political subsystem and the economic subsystem. The lifeworld consists of the private domain and the public domain. Communication in the system occurs strategically or is based on finding ways to find and refine various methods and techniques to make our lives wealthier and more efficient. Communication in the lifeworld is the opposite; it is based on symmetric relationships between people and is aimed towards finding consensus on many issues facing our social reality. Communication in the lifeworld is truly aimed at finding common grounds between all people involved. For this reason Habermas calls all interaction in the lifeworld communicative rationality.

If communication is so important then this implies a certain competency level in the strategies and tactics of communication possessed by all people irrespective of their education, social background, nationality, and common language. This is unfortunately not true because a large number of people do not have the proper communication skills necessary to become successful. Most of them are simply muddling through their daily lives using basic communication skills which are barely enough to keep their heads above the water. What are actually the characteristics of good communicators? Below are some typical characteristics which good communicators possess:

1. Good communicators pay attention to everything the other person is communicating;

Ten Commandments of Effective Communication

2. Good communicators constantly think about the nature of their messages: they always think about when, where, and how they will deliver their messages;

3. Good communicators always try to find the right combination of words, body language, dress, and tone of voice before sending a message;

4. Good communicators try to avoid using the same words when sending their message to different persons because no one person is identical. Good communicators try to find out what is important for the other person;

5. Good communicators are always ready to be flexible or try to move on after delivering their message by reaching a decision, solving a problem, negotiating a compromise, etc;

6. Good communicators are fully aware of the reciprocal nature of communication which is a process of giving and receiving a message. Good communication is a like a dance which entails leading and following.

Although the above typical characteristics seem to be obvious and easy to understand, many people have difficulties applying them in a consistent manner. Communication is a process which is comparable to driving a car. The more you do it, the better driver you will become. Experience is the best teacher in communication. Moreover, the willingness to learn from your experiences is very important. Of course we make mistakes, but we try to learn from those mistakes and become better next time.

Having explained the above characteristics of good communicators, what are the ten commandments of effective communication?

1. Always try to give feedback based on facts and not on opinions and/or emotions which might upset or offend the other person;

2. Always try to empathize or to see a situation from the other's point view. Try to accept the other person's views without preaching and/or moralizing;

3. Criticize using neutral language and tone of voice;

4. Say what you mean without becoming sarcastic;

5. If you want something from others, ask, don't command;

6. Give the other person a chance to speak, don't slip into 'railroading';

7. Explain why something needs to happen, don't threaten;

8. Don't give advice or opinions if people don't ask for it;

9. Be to the point, avoid vagueness at all cost;

10. Don't talk down or up to others; avoid diverting the conversation to trivial matters.

Ten Commandments of Effective Communication
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My name is Martin Hahn Ph.D. and I am an industrial sociologist with more than 20 years experience in teaching, management consulting, and corporate training. For more info and purchase my e-book, please visit: http://martinimhahn.com.

"My Wife is Always Angry at Me!" Here's the Secret of Your Wife's Anger (And What to Do About It)

As a marriage counselor in Kansas City, I've learned there isn't much in a married man's life that bothers him more than when his wife is angry with him. Most men won't admit it, but at the bottom of that frustration is fear. The fear comes from feeling helpless to make his wife happy again.

What makes matters worse, in many cases, whatever the husband does makes his wife even more angry. That kind of escalating negative spiral into unhappiness leaves a husband feeling alone and like giving up. Married men, take hope. I'm about to tell you the secret behind your wife's anger and what to do about it.

But, first I need to clarify a myth that destroys more marriage than I can tell you.

"My Wife is Always Angry at Me!" Here's the Secret of Your Wife's Anger (And What to Do About It)

The myth is this: you are not the one to make your wife happy. Your wife is. No person's happiness is another person's responsibility. Oh, of course, things we do with our spouses are used by them to make themselves happy or unhappy. If you can become aware of some of those things and can avoid them, then it does make it easier for your spouse to make themselves happy. But that's simply an act of courtesy and consideration (a hallmark of successful marriages). It is not a causal act that magically makes your wife happy. You can help, but ultimately, she's the only one who can make herself happy. And that goes for you as well, husband.

Now for the secret. With most couples I have worked with where the wife is perpetually angry at the husband (and he is not doing the obvious things that upsets a wife i.e. affairs, drinking too much etc.), at the bottom of it we find a wife drowning in loneliness. Maybe that's hard to believe because her anger gets the opposite from her husband. However, she wants and needs more emotional intimacy and the husband, for whatever reason, is not providing it.

Some of those reasons include socialization and genetics. Most husbands are not nearly as attuned to emotional realities as their wives. Women in this culture are encouraged to use their intuition and develop their emotional prowess. Men are encouraged to be busy with physical accomplishments and managing literal things. As you can see, this leads to huge misunderstandings in a marriage.

If your wife is angry with you on a regular basis, I will agree with you husband, that does not feel to you like an invitation to intimacy. However, odds are, that's what she wants. I'm not talking about physical intimacy. I'm talking about emotional intimacy.

Try this magic: the next time your wife's anger hits you like a snow blizzard blowing out of Montana, take her by the hand, sit down with her, look her in the eyes and tell her you love her. Then, ask her to tell you what is bothering her and guarantee her that no matter what it is or how angry she gets, you're going to sit there and take it all in. Resolve to listen to whatever your wife has to say to you, no matter what.

Do not get up and go away in your own anger. Do not defend yourself. Do not explain yourself. Do not attack her or rebut her. All you have to do is be present, continue eye contact, and listen.

When she's finished, simply say this, "Thank you, sweetheart, for telling me what is in the depths of your heart. I relish and appreciate openness and emotional intimacy with you. I'm not very good at it, but I intend to get better. In the meantime, if I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way you do. You have good reasons to be angry."

"My Wife is Always Angry at Me!" Here's the Secret of Your Wife's Anger (And What to Do About It)
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That's all you need to say, except perhaps to ask her if there's more she wants to say. If there is, again you listen attentively, with solid eye contact, taking it all in gratefully. What your wife is doing with you, even though it may feel negative, is called emotional closeness. That is the essence of successful marriage.

After a couple begins to renew emotional intimacy and closeness, they may need the help of a competent marriage counselor to problem solve issues. Call me, Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D. at 913-901-9110 and I will help.

The Importance of Effective Communication

No matter how brilliant and invaluable your idea, it is worthless unless you can share it with others. For this reason, effective communication is crucial at every level of an organization. However, the ability to communicate effectively does not come easily to many people, and it is a skill that requires practice.

We begin practicing our communication skills even before we learn to walk. A newborn child communicates by crying, but it slowly learns to mimic its parents' speech. Eventually, the child discovers that certain speech patterns elicit different responses; one of the joys of parenting is trying to decipher the meaning behind certain "words." Does "baaaaaw" mean that the baby wants his ball, his bottle, or his blanket? Slowly, through trial and error, the child learns to manipulate sounds to get what it wants, and as the child develops, this active oral practice leads to more nuanced and fluid conversations. In short, the child learns effective communication.

To effectively communicate a complex idea, however, requires skills beyond elementary conversation. There are two golden rules to remember and follow.

The Importance of Effective Communication

Golden Rule #1: Organize thoughts in your mind before sharing them with others.

One idea often prompts a torrent of others. In order to share your ideas, you must first shape them coherently. Organization is important, because it creates a pattern for your listener, allowing him or her to grasp the larger picture intuitively. This allows the listener to focus on the details of your message, without struggling to understand how you went from Point A to Point B.

As a thought experiment, imagine that a colleague has asked you for directions to the airport. Write them down. Your directions will probably look something like:

* Drive west half a mile on Aurora.

* Take a left on Madison.

* At the third light, turn right and follow Dexter for 2-3 miles.

* Get on the interstate, heading south.

* Etc.

Now, with a pair of scissors, cut each line of instructions into a small strip of paper. Jumble the strips up and arrange them in a completely random order, then give them to your colleague. Even with mixed-up directions, s/he should have no trouble reaching the airport, right? After all, your directions are complete and accurate. Not a single step is missing.

The problem, of course, is that your directions are also completely unorganized, rendering them useless. Your colleague will find it impossible to focus on your message itself, because he or she will struggle to follow your message's structure (or lack thereof).

Golden Rule #2: Communication is collaborative, not competitive.

Thrusting your idea on others mars the beauty and integrity of conversation. Communication is in some ways like a dance; each partner plays off the other, basing his or her steps on the other person's, while simultaneously maintaining a certain amount of individuality.

Communication is a two-way process involving an exchange of ideas. If you try to make it one-way, you prevent this exchange and will eventually frustrate the other person. You may also frustrate yourself, if you read the other person's lack of verbosity as disinterest in the conversation, rather than an inability to get a word in.

The hallmark of effective communication is the coherent verbal projection of your ideas, so that your listener receives the message that you intend to send. By observing these two rules, you will reduce miscommunication and misunderstandings.

The Importance of Effective Communication
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Barbara Stennes, CSP, is president and owner of Resources Unlimited, a consulting firm based in Des Moines, Iowa. She is widely recognized as an expert on team building, customer service, creativity, and innovation. To learn how Barbara can help your organization, please visit Resources Unlimited or de Bono Online.